Fish
by teal duck
Summary: 'Certain fish have the ability to change their sex and carry young when it is not typical of their sex.' Ok sooo, this is an mpreg. An Akatsuki mpreg. It's also a KisaIta fic… you figure it out.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNINGS**: Language. **Mpreg** = pregnant male. Hidan, Kisame, (Akatsuki members in general.) Bad/terrible/horrendous crack. Probably extreme OOCness.

AN: This kinda makes fun of mregs and the Akatsuki in general. That doesn't mean that it trashes mregs and KisamexItachi pairings (I 3 KisaIta yes I do ^_^). This idea came from seahorses (b/c the male carries the babies) and ocean fish (b/c some can change their gender).

Itachi woke up to the sound of his partner noisily emptying his stomach. He shut his eyes tight, trying to return to sleep. This had been going on every day for almost two weeks now. He'd been concerned at first, but after being constantly woken up at the crack of dawn he was just getting down right irritated.

The toilet flushed and Kisame walked out, his skin an interesting shade of turquoise.

Flopping down beside Itachi and disrupting him from near bliss the shark groaned out, "Dammit I don't know what's wrong with me! It can't be food poisoning - I've eaten a lot worse than Konan's attempt to cook - or the flu because I don't get regular illnesses." Kisame let out a sigh, Itachi realized he hadn't rinsed his mouth after he'd *ehem* 'paid tribute' to the porcelain throne, he burrowed deeper under the covers, pulling them right over his head. Kisame continued, oblivious to the weasel's discomfort. "Maybe it's some new fish flu, transferred by fish. I did have sushi three months ago…"

Itachi groaned and threw back the blankets, glaring hatefully at the man who kept him from sleep with red eyes. Kisame blanched before realizing it was the whites, not the irises that were red. "Oi, Itachi, you're not lookin' too hot either, maybe you should go talk to Konan or something-" Itachi jerked the blankets back over his head and screamed into the batting for a good five minutes. Kisame sat back and waited, used to his partner's oddities by now.

Finally Itachi removed the blanket from his face and sat up. Kisame watched his sympathetically, "feel better now?" he asked with overdone kindness.

Reminding himself of all the reasons why it would be a _bad idea_ to kill the shark man, not the least of which the mess it would do to his bed, Itachi forced himself from the bed and began getting dressed. "Come on, we're going to Konan."

Kisame followed him to the door, nodding in approval. "That's good, maybe you can get yourself some sleeping pills or-"

"Not for me," Itachi snapped, "for you and your crack-of-dawn morning wake-ups."

Kisame's mouth shut with an audible click and a look of dread crossed his face. "Th-there's no need for that. It's probably just a stomach flu, yeah, It'll be over it in a few days, I promise," Kisame beseeched him in his 'please don't take me to the evil lady' voice.

Itachi's eyes flashed in malevolent glee, "I thought you couldn't get the flu Kisame."

Kisame gulped.

"Stick out your tongue and say 'ahh'," Konan ordered.

"Ahh," Kisame mimicked obediently.

Konan made a face but otherwise didn't comment on his morning breath. "Ok, seems good," she took the stick out of his mouth and peered closely at his eyes. "Now strip." Kisame meeped and clutched the collar of his shirt closed, what was she intending to do to him? She tapped her foot impatiently, "Come on, take the shirt off. Or do I have to get Itachi to assist you?" Konan jerked her thumb over her shoulder to the waiting man. Itachi glared a clear threat at him, 'cooperate'. Reluctantly he complied.

Konan ran a chakra charged hand from his throat down to his belt line. Kisame squirmed as the chakra tickled the sensitive skin and fought not to giggle, that would be very un-missing nin like.

Konan frowned, going another pass over the area. A slight chuckle escaped him and Itachi rolled his eyes, _very_ familiar with how ticklish the shark was.

Konan pulled away with an uncertain sound. "Kisame, how long have you been affected by this illness."

"Almost two weeks," Itachi grumbled.

Konan acted as if Kisame had spoken and continued, "Any fatigue? Abnormal eating habits?"

Kisame considered this for a second then nodded, "I've really wanted sweets lately and I was having trouble staying awake during training yesterday."

"He's been stealing all my dango," Itachi pouted, "and he collapsed in the middle of a battle against Hidan."

"Ok so a yes for both," Konan turned away going into another room briefly. "I think I may know what's wrong with you, I've just got to check one more thing." She came back wheeling a machine which was, in Kisame's opinion, rather intimidating.

"What is that and were does it go?" he demanded.

"It's an ultrasound, nothing to be worried about." Konan pulled out a tube of something and instructed him to lie back on the table. Kisame made a face as the cold jell was spread over his abdomen but didn't protest, resigned to this unusual form of torture. Konan picked up an object like an oddly shaped microphone and flipped a switch on the machine which began to hum. She set the instrument against the shark man's stomach and started to move it around as strange pulsing images appeared on the screen.

She hummed to herself, making a slight adjustment to the image. She froze and simply stared at the screen. After a while Konan shut off the ultrasound and cleaned up the machine, tossing Kisame a towel to wipe the jell off his stomach. She puttered around, putting things in order in the room as both Kisame and Itachi became increasingly perturbed.

At last Konan turned to them, a surprisingly uncertain expression as she began, "Look I don't know how this could have happened or really how to say this so I'll just com out with it." She took a few deep breaths (began hyperventilating) and burst out, "congratulations, Kisame, you're pregnant. You're going to be a mother."

There was stunned silence all around. In moments like this (you know, where you find out that you/your lover seems to be carrying possibly mutated man-babies) there is only one thing to say.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

AN: I enjoy crack ^w^. I'm not sure if I will continue this. If I do it will be very irregular, just whenever I need a little break from more serious works. Anyway, please tell me what you think, review :)


	2. Messed up man children!

**WARNINGS**: Language. **Mpreg** = pregnant male. Hidan, Kisame, (Akatsuki members in general.) Bad/terrible/horrendous crack. Probably extreme OOCness. Writing on writer's block so totally random. Review replies that are going to make me sound like a psycho (ooh! Love that song)

**TerrorThatLurksInYerBathtub X3**: First off, I like your name, and thanks for your enthusiasm :) here you go!

**AlchemyGaara**: I agree, pregnant Itachi = 3. But having the typical seme pregnant is good crack fuel :3

Chapter 2: Messed up man children?

MMM

"How could this have happened?" Itachi said calmly.

Konan fidgeted a little and blushed, "Well Itachi when two people love each other very much they-"

Itachi stopped her with a wave of his hand. "I get that part," he snapped, his cheeks were a little red as well, "What I mean is how is this even possible?"

Kisame sat staring at the far wall, holding his stomach and looking a little ill. He seemed rather shocked by the news.

"I don't know," she gasped happily, "I just know that now you're gonna have fucked up little man babies! Hooray!" She threw her hands up in celebration. [1]

Itachi's eyebrow twitched. His fingers ached to fasten around her neck.

Suddenly Kisame… began to cry. "Why did this have to happen to me!" he sobbed dramatically. He whipped at his tear streaked face and looked almost accusingly at Itachi, "I mean, _he's_ uke." Itachi's ire had a new target.

"Oh, don't be sad Kisame," Konan soothed, "you're going to be experiencing the Miracle of Life!" Kisame sniffed loudly and looked at her with a slight shining of hope in his eyes. Encouraged, Konan continued, "It's such a magical time – of course there's nine whole months in which you'll experience morning sickness (that can sometimes last into and throughout the day), mood swings, _terrible _cravings and loss of bladder control!" Konan clasped her hands in excitement, a starry, faraway look in her eyes.

Slowly, Kisame placed his hands back over his stomach and resumed his look of shell-shocked illness.

It took a moment for Konan to realize that no one was joining in with her celebration.

"Don't worry Kisame, from the ultrasound and your symptoms I'd say you're already about fifteen weeks along, so there's not _quite_ that long left. And besides, you'll have Itachi to help support you."

Itachi started sharply at this and stared coldly at her. "What has decided that I have to take responsibility for this?"

"Um, because it's yours?" Konan almost seemed to ask.

Itachi drew himself up and glared down at her. "How are we to know that for certain? As far as I know it could just be his. I refuse to take responsibility for something that's probably not even my faul—"

Itachi stuttered to a halt. When had Konan become so big and so… utterly terrifying?

"I don't care what you have to say about it, Itachi. He is your partner and so I am _ordering _you to stay with him and take care of him." Itachi trembled and sunk down into the wide neck of his cloak. "Understand?"

Itachi jumped sharply and barked hurriedly, "yes si-er, ma'am."

Konan glared at him a moment longer before nodding sharply and dismissing him with a curt turn of her back.

MMM

There was lace.

It was pink.

It was the most horribly frightening object Itachi had ever seen.

The book's front cover had a picture of a happy couple (an attractive man and an obviously pregnant _woman_) in the center. At the top in a slightly different shade of pink than the rest, the book declared 'Pregnancy and You'. Itachi wasn't really sure what the pregnancy had to do with him, or why a book would need lace, but the last thing Konan had done before banishing him from her rooms was to order him to read the entire thing, cover to cover, and he intended to do it.

With a sigh, he settled in to do just that. He flipped open to the first page, staring at the little hearts and bottles.

"Mangekyo."

Twenty seconds later he was done. Calmly, he placed the pink terror on the floor and disintegrated it with a fire jutsu.

MMM

Konan opened the door on the fifteenth knock, Itachi had been pounding continuously on the door for the last couple of seconds in his impatience for the door to open.

Konan glared at him when she realized who it was. Not the I'm-going-to-tear-your-intestines-out-through-your-mouth glare, just a mildly annoyed expression this time. "Itachi, I told you I didn't want to see you again until you'd read that entire book."

"I did," Itachi snapped.

"And where is it now?"

Itachi's eyes narrowed. "I destroyed it. It can't hurt anyone anymore."

Slowly, slowly, Konan raised her hand and pressed it against her eyes. Her shoulders shook with what Itachi assumed was rage; he braced himself for any attack, even going so far as to activate his Sharingan. Konan let out a sound, almost like a sob, which gave him pause. He frowned, was she…?

Konan looked up at him with a helpless smile. "Men," was all she said, before dissolving into another fit of laughter.

Itachi gave her a sour look then pushed passed her into the room. Kisame still sat on the paper covered table, swing his feet and looking all together completely bored. He glanced up as Itachi approached and even smiled a little. Itachi was reminded that Kisame was under the influence some weird hormones right now which were supposed to cause mood swings.

"Kisame, how's it going in here?" Itachi asked carefully.

Kisame shrugged. "Oh, it's fine, just asking me more questions and she took some blood for… something," he held out his arm where there was a Boots[2] band aid in the crease of his arm.

"Nothing… scary happening?"

"Uhh…" Kisame seemed uncertain.

"Oh no nothing scary, but we will have to take a sample of the amniotic fluid," Konan interrupted, apparently recovered from her laughing fit.

"Oh, OK. What is that?" Kisame asked guilelessly.

Konan began to rummage around in her storage closet, she called over her shoulder, "It's the fluid in the womb that protects and cushions the baby."

Itachi frowned then stared, a realization hitting him. Kisame's eyes narrowed, it appeared as if he'd come to the same conclusion, and he shifted away. "And how exactly do you intend to get 'a sample'?"

"With this!" Konan whipped around, holding a wicked looking needle aloft.

Kisame reached back and pulled Samehada from his back and brandished it between them. "You stay away from me with that you crazy bitch."

Konan batted the end away without concern. "Oh, quit being such a baby and suck it up."

Kisame screamed and ran away from her, jumping over to the other side of the table. Konan followed right behind him. Kisame ran to the other side and Konan pursued him. So Kisame ran to the other side again. Konan followed him.

Itachi watched from the chair he'd occupied with mild concern. That eventually faded on the tenth round around the tale, both prey and pursuer yelling insults at the other. Itachi closed his eyes against mounting dizziness and turned to the table beside him and selected a magazine and settled down to wait.

MMM

"There we go Kisame," Konan chirped as she pressed another band aid to the puncture wound. "See that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Kisame groaned through his gag, Itachi just huffed in annoyance. After twenty minutes of their monkey and weasel bit [3] he had no longer been able to just ignore. He'd intervened; it had been far too easy.

Kisame had come rushing toward him the moment he noticed him, obviously expecting a savior. Instead Itachi had grabbed him around the waist and thrown him onto the table. He used a jutsu to bind his body to the table top then decided he didn't like to here his lover yelling such ugly things at him and stuffed a sock in his mouth. Konan had of course made a jibe at their private lives, which he had of course ignored.

"Ok Itachi, unbind him."

Itachi muttered a quick release and Kisame immediately jumped to his feet spitting the sock onto the ground.

"Traitor!" he yelled at Itachi.

Itachi just gazed at him coolly and said, "It was either get pinned down by me or have Konan stab you a thousand times with that needle. I chose the one with the least amount of noise."

Konan spoke up before the argument could go any further, "That's all I need from you for now. Come back tomorrow and we'll work some finer details. As this is a very unusual case I'd like to keep you under close observation, as well as figure out how this happened." She had her nose an inch away from a clip board and was writing busily away on it. "Itachi I need you to make sure he gets here every day."

Itachi nodded and turned to leave, just wanting to go to sleep so he could wake up from this nightmare.

"Oh and before you go," Konan's hands fluttered excitedly over Kisame as he attempted to get his clothes back on, apparently trying to help and just getting in his way. "Do you guys want a picture of them?"

Itachi froze and turned slowly around to stare at her. Maybe it was just bad word choice but… did she mean…?

"How do you get a picture?" Kisame asked. He lifted up his shirt and squinted at his belly, as if he could somehow see through to the life inside.

"With the ultrasound! Haven't you ever heard of that?" Kisame seemed about to reply but Itachi cut him off.

"What do you mean by _them_?"

Konan blinked at him, "Oh, didn't I tell you?"

"Huh?" Kisame grunted. He furrowed his brow when his lover and doctor just continued to stare at each other. "Out with it already!"

"You're having twins!" Konan then proceeded to give a fangirl squeal and jump up and down.

Kisame stared with open mouth and a nearly glazed expression. "You've gotta be shittin' me."

Itachi closed his eyes and let out a groan. It seemed his nightmare had just begun.

MMM

[1]My brother wrote this paragraph to get me going, what with the writers block and all. It worked.

[2]You know, from Dora the Explorer?

[3]the children's song.

AN: I've mostly been drawing this last… month or so. Writing was not working for me. I did an mpreg meme based on this story and was going to post it on deviantart but I don't know how to put it together _

I'm sorry that the scene dividers didn't work last time, I changed them, it's now the 'M'.


	3. The Melancholy of Itachi Uchiha

**WARNINGS**: Language. **Mpreg** = pregnant male. Hidan, Kisame, (Akatsuki members in general.) Possible trashing of the gay community and Deidara (not intentionally.) Bad/terrible/horrendous crack. Probably extreme OOCness. Review replies that are going to make me sound like a psycho. (is anybody reading them?)

**Itachi thinking Itachi thoughts.**

**TerrorThatLurksInYerBathtub X3****:** Glad you continue to enjoy it. Here you are, 'new and shinny like' XD

**Dragonscale1996****:** Thank you very much! I like people who are willing to bend a little. Glad you're enjoying the crack. (**There are a couple places where it's not so crack-like here, not too off putting hopefully**.)**  
**

**shadowsasorideidara**: Thank you for the reviews XD And for the alert and favorite!

**Tusken**: *teal duck wondering why people who don't like mpregs keep clicking on Fish…* So glad you're enjoying it though :D If you liked that line you should go read some of my brother's stuff, he actually wrote that line, I put a note about it at the end of the last chapter. His username is 'tell me somethin' please'.

**KisameKick** – Thank you very much ^-^ Glad you're enjoying it.

Chapter 3: The Melancholy of Itachi Uchiha

MMM

Itachi stared at the picture in his hand, almost unable to believe the proof right before his eyes, the picture of the two little people who were apparently growing in his lover's body. His fingers grazed over the page, over the spot where Konan had attempted to show him the babies. Kisame had seen them the moment she'd pointed them out. Itachi was still looking.

"What's that?" Deidara asked, peering over Itachi's shoulder to look at the picture.

"My… babies." Itachi replied numbly, for once without an insult or sharp word for the blonde man.

Deidara huffed poutily. Despite the fact that he wanted to kill him and the two were constantly at each other's throats, Deidara had a bit of a crush on him. He probably wasn't happy about Itachi having a strong connection with someone else.

"They look like drumsticks[1]," Deidara sniffed, still pouting.

Itachi slumped, sinking deeper into depression. "You can see them?"

"Yeah. Twins, right?" Deidara huffed again; he was beginning to sound like a bratty woman.

Nodding mutely, Itachi ran his fingers once more over the picture. You'd think that since they were his he'd have some sort of weird affinity for them. Maybe he was supposed to even _feel_ different? More grown up? More like someone who could actually be a father? He'd never expected to have to make this change, I mean, he was with another _man_! The Uchiha line was meant to end with him.

He closed his eyes briefly, when they opened his eyes were a brilliant crimson. The bloodline trait was no help; all he saw was that he was beginning to smudge the photo.

He frowned. How could Kisame be so certain? The shark man had been frightened, terrified even. But Itachi could tell the thought of abortion had never even crossed his mind. Not like him.

Kakuzu walked into the kitchen. Itachi had been sitting at the table for an hour, since Kisame had announced he intended to take advantage of this and get some sleep. Kakuzu looked sleepily at Itachi and Deidara behind him with his arms wrapped around Itachi as he made his way to the fridge for breakfast.

"Deidara, bad hug,[2]" he grunted.

Itachi's shoulders tensed and Deidara nuzzled closer to him.

"Itachi knocked up some chick," Deidara called to him.

Kakuzu's head shot up from behind the fridge door. "Whoa, you're having kids with some random woman?"

Itachi shrugged Deidara off of him and glared at Kakuzu. "Not 'a random woman', Kisame."

This was meant with stunned silence. Itachi reached out slowly and clicked Deidara's jaw shut.

Kakuzu cleared his throat uncertainly, "Kisame knocked you up?"

Itachi pouted, why did everybody think that was logical? "No, Kisame's pregnant."

Once again, silence. Then suddenly, Deidara shrieked. Both of the other occupants in the room jumped and stared as Deidara shrieked with laughter and held his stomach. After awhile he calmed down to little snorts.

He looked at Itachi through streaming eyes. "S-so, Kisame's going to be pregnant? Like, with a belly and everything?" He dissolved into another laughing fit as the visual hit.

Itachi's eyes widened. He'd only been thinking about the effects this would have on his life, he'd considered the emotional and attitude changes that Kisame would go through. He had yet to consider the physical results. He wondered if it had occurred to Kisame yet.

Deidara lunged at the door. "I'm gonna go tell everyone!" he yelled.

In an instant Itachi was jerked out of his bad mood. He sprung to his feet and lunged after Deidara, grabbing hold of the back of his cloak and tackling him to the ground.

Kakuzu glanced up momentarily as they both went crashing to the ground, then turned his back and went back to inspection of the fridge.

Sasori walked through the door right after their crash. "Good morning Kakuzu," he said politely to the masked man.

Deidara made choking noises and tugged desperately at Itachi's arm around his neck. He reached out, tugging at the bottom of his partner's cloak as he finally pulled Itachi off his neck.

"Sasori!" he wined, the red haired man glanced down at the cry. "Sasori! Itachi got Kisame knocked up and now he'd trying to kill me!" he wailed, Itachi's arms fastened around his neck again and he could say no more.

"I'm not sure how those are connected," Sasori frowned. Deidara made a pleading choking noise and tugged at Sasori's cloak again. "Itachi, I suppose congratulations are in order. Do you know the gender of the baby?"

"Thank you and no, Konan said it would be more 'fun' if it was a surprise, and there are two."

Deidara made empty gasping motions and tugged at Sasori's cloak once more.

"Really? That must be exciting."

Itachi shrugged, "More or less."

Deidara gave up on Sasori and tried to wrestle Itachi off him.

"How's Kisame taking it? Freaking out?"

"He's taking it pretty well, more numb than anything I think."

Deidara had turned blue.

Sasori finally looked down at the blonde man. "Itachi, why are you strangling my partner?"

Itachi shrugged, "Never killed anyone this way before." Sasori made a thoughtful sound.

Deidara twitched and then laid still.

Slowly, Itachi let his arms loosen a fraction.

Suddenly Deidara's hand grabbed the exposed skin of Itachi's wrist. Itachi jerked away, clasping his hand over a deep bite mark indentation.

Deidara scrambled to his feet and dove behind Sasori.

"Waaah! Senpai, he tried to kill meee!" Deidara hugged Sasori around the waist and bawled dramatically into his side, peaking every once in a while up at him from behind his hair to make sure he was getting the right response.

"He didn't succeed, which is unfortunate, so what's the damn problem?" Hidan growled, he'd entered largely unnoticed by anyone else and was currently wrestling with Kakuzu over the food.

Itachi picked himself up off the floor, dusting off his clothing. "Exactly, I think you're making far too big of a deal out of it."

Deidara suddenly got that look in his eye. Itachi felt his skin prickle as Deidara gave him a sexy grin. "It's just not the way I'd like you to choke me, or with the right part of… anatomy."

Itachi turned an interesting color, somewhere between green with disgust and red with embarrassment. Sasori calmly removed Deidara's arms from around him and pushed him firmly away. Hidan growled out "fucking disgusting" and Kakuzu began muttering about prostitution.

Tobi appeared around the edge of the door frame, his head cocked curiously. "Why's it so loud in here?"

"Kisame is preggers!" Deidara exclaimed

A subtle shift came into Tobi, Itachi knew at once this was Madara he was looking at.

"Really," he said softly, his full attention now on Itachi, "tell me, Itachi, how did this happen?"

Itachi shrugged, avoiding that one sharp eye beneath the mask. "I don't know, probably something to do with his weird genetics."

Madara motioned outside. "Itachi, may I speak to you privately please?"

Itachi cautiously exited the room, aware of the other's confused gazes on him. They didn't know about this side of the masked man.

Madara turned angrily to him once they were in the hall. "What are you thinking Itachi?" He didn't give Itachi a chance to reply and rushed on. "More Uchiha, after what we went through to rid the world of them. I allowed that boy but this—"

"There is no certainty that they are mine. As his partner, I am expected to take responsibility for him. In all likely hood it's some kind of asexual reproduction and has nothing to do with me," Itachi said tonelessly. In actuality, he had no idea of the cause and doubted what he'd just told Madara.

He seemed to at least partially accept it, though. "You had better hope so. No matter what the outcome, I will not allow the existence of more Uchiha."

Itachi stood perfectly still as Madara strode passed him down the hall, not trusting himself not to do something stupid. He signed as Madara disappeared around the corner. Suddenly he didn't feel at all like eating anything, he'd go down to the training field and burn off some steam.

MMM

Kisame woke for the second time that day at the blissful hour of 12:30. He signed in contentment, keeping his eyes closed a little longer. Then he frowned. His chest felt weird, sore almost. He shrugged it off as he rolled to his feet, probably slept wrong.

He went straight from the room to the rec room. He hadn't had a vacation in years, besides sporadic periods between assignments, and dammit! he was going to milk this for all it was worth. Which brought him to the TV, of course.

His good mood was slightly dampened, however, when the moment he walked through the door Deidara jumped him.

"KISAME!" he yelled in his year. The blue man jumped sharply, pin-wheeling his arms backwards in an over the top show of surprise. Deidara didn't give him a chance to recover. "Is it true?" Deidara was in a very impatient mood apparently, the words were barely out of his mouth and he was pulling Kisame's up beneath his armpits. Kisame screeched then pouted, everyone was molesting him today. Deidara's hands smoothed over his stomach and he pressed his face close against his stomach.

At last Deidara pulled away with a disappointed sniff. "It's still flat."

Kisame tugged the shirt back down, frowning, "What are you talking about?"

"Huh? Itachi told us you were pregnant," Deidara's eyes narrowed angrily. "He didn't lie, did he?"

"Yeah, I'm pregnant but why were you…" Kisame shuddered from the recent trauma, "doing _that_?"

"Well, when women are pregnant they get fat, right?" Kisame was about to correct him that no, women did not get _fat_ when pregnant and it was a good thing that no women heard that because they'd be in danger then… and then it hit him. "I was checking if you were getting fat yet," Deidara finished matter of factly.

Kisame whined and stumbled over to the couch. Hidan was sprawled out in the middle of it and looked up with a glare as Kisame came over. "If you think that I'm movin' you-" he stuttered to a halt, the wide watery eyes of the shark-man coupled with 'uber-pitiful no jutsu' apparently touching something within the masochist and he jumped up immediately as Kisame flopped face down on the couch.

"_Ow_," he whined rubbing his now red/purple face.

Deidara and Hidan stood poised anxiously at the edge of the couch, glancing at each other. Silently Deidara held out his fist, Hidan mimicked him.

"Rock, paper, scissors," they chanted under their breath. Hidan came up with scissors, Deidara with rock.

Hidan groaned, "Why do I have to do it?"

Deidara held his fist up in demonstration. "Rock, paper, scissors never lies," he stated.

With a put upon huff Hidan cautiously approached Kisame. "Hey buddy," Hidan said gently, "you OK?"

Instantly Kisame was on his feet in a full out rage. "No! I am not fuckin' OK! These babies are ruining my life! They're taking over my body, making me fat," he suddenly tore off his shirt and struck a pose reminiscent of Maito Gai. "Do you have any idea how hard I had to work to get this body? And now they're gonna undo all of it in just a matter of months. And then the mood swings," he suddenly threw himself onto the couch and broke out into sobs. "Not to mention loss of bladder control!" he wailed before dissolving into tears.

Hidan reached out a wary hand and laid it on Kisame's shoulder consolingly. The blue man lunged at him with a cry, throwing his arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder. Hidan looked at Deidara in alarm as he pated Kisame's back.

"There, there ah… it'll… be OK," Hidan said haltingly.

"No it won't!" Kisame wailed, "You're wrong and stupid!" [3]

Hidan just patted his back soothingly and nodded. If he'd learned anything from Konan it was never argue with a woman, even a man with woman's hormones.

"Well if Itachi doesn't go all annihilator on us again," Deidara muttered.

Kisame froze, slowly turning to Deidara with a carefully blank face, "And what do you mean by that?"

Hidan made a cutting motion at Deidara behind Kisame's back. 'I just got him to stop crying!' he mouthed desperately.

Deidara didn't pick up on the warning from either of them though and continued on. "Well Itachi wiped out his whole Clan. That must have been rather difficult; he probably wouldn't want some shark-man and newborns ruining his perfect track record."

Silence fell over the room. Hidan remained perfectly still, not willing to turn to look at Itachi. Deidara remained oblivious, bouncing on his toes in boredom as he waited for a response to his theory.

"Deidara," Kisame hissed his voice dangerously low. Hidan felt a shiver run up his spine. Deidara just looked at him curiously. "Next time, just keep your fucking mouth shut." Deidara's face immediately crumpled into a frown.

"Well, if I'm not appreciated I'll just leave then," he sniffed. Hidan waved and Kisame flicked the TV on. Deidara stomped out of the room. Kisame turned the TV up.

If TV watching were a sport Kisame would have won the gold. Hidan would have had to cross between Kisame and the TV to get out, which he didn't dare to do, so he'd been stuck there for the past six hours. His butt was getting sore and he was hungry. He hopped Itachi showed up soon to deal with him.

MMM

[1]This is what my sister said about my auntie's baby when she was little. :3

[2]'Role Models'!

[3]I have seen this exact scene play out. Between friends and boyfriend and girlfriend.

AN: Could the people who don't like mpregs please tell me why you clicked on Fish? Just out of curiosity, this is some weird anomaly or something. This chapter is technically part one of the chapter but I figured it was long enough and it's been _forever_ since I've updated. But I drew you guys some pre-tty art.

http:/ tealduck2. deviantart. com / gallery/#/d34bcdl

Please check it out *bow* Oh, and Please review, I just love hearing from you guys :)


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